U2′s Most Obnoxious Fan!

cup-of-joe Is it just me or do you want to punch some U2 fans in their cockatoo too? You know the ones, the insufferable bastards that know everything U2 from Bono’s shoe size to how much Rogaine The Edge uses. For some reason, these intellectual
tortoises have a compulsive need to share this minutia with the world, even though 99 % of us don’t give a flying f*ck. Stalkers by nature, their every
waking moment is spent trolling Facebook pages and lurking through garbage cans for anything to feed their need to know U2 addiction. Obsession? Calvin Klein wishes he had this type of Obsession. Are you certain one of these nuts hasn’t visited Adam’s ex-maid in the slammer to find out what color underwear Adam prefers? While tailgating at their 700th U2 gig in a row, they usually travel in packs, from car to car, to tell you the story behind the story of every U2 song. A faded Boy concert tee-shirt with holes and yellow pit stains are always dead giveaways to these freaks of nature. If you ever get cornered by two of these cretins, suicide is an option, but only as a last resort.

I’ve been a fan of U2’s from the beginning, I just don’t feel the need to share that
information with every person I know; wait, what? There are times when I want to delve deeper into the lyrics, make the Biblical connections and reflect upon my life as I look up at the window in the skies while simultaneously contemplating jumping out of it head first, I just don’t want to do that 24/7. Sometimes I want to get it wrong and just groove to her Mysterious Ways after a 12 pack & regret it tomorrow. Do these shut-ins truly think we care what color of
tack Larry used to hang up the note on the bulletin board? No, I don’t know what Larry’s mother was cooking at their 1st practice, either. If you ever find
yourself trapped in a car with one of these U2 nuts, these are your options: if
you’re driving, a head on crash with an 18 wheeler. If a passenger, open, tuck
and roll. The 6 to 8 months in traction will be worth it. Still, the “Bono”fide
crazies wonder why they are still alone at age 45, when their 1st words to the
opposite sex are usually; “Would you like to see my mint-condition, framed,
Vol.1 Issue 1 of Propaganda?” There is no shame in feigning ignorance or some
form of learning disability when approached by these blowhards. On more than one occasion when approached by a “U2 know it all,” I’ve said; “Who’s U2?” and
jumped up & down as if I were chasing a butterfly all the while drooling on
myself. Soiling yourself is a messy option but may be necessary as well -
desperate times call for desperate measures. Try not to let these bastards grind
you down. Be proud to be a U2 fan, just keep it to yourself. The rest of the
world truly does not care.

"U2's Most Obnoxious Fan!", 5 out of 5 based on 2 ratings.

Longtime fan. Sixth grade teacher, married and have a 7 year old boy who is also a huge fan...he didn't have a choice.

Home Forums U2′s Most Obnoxious Fan!

This topic contains 34 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  joepit 3 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #7464

    joepit
    Moderator

     Is it just me or do you want to punch some U2 fans in their cockatoo too? You know the ones, the insufferable bastards that know everything U2 from B
    [See the full post at: U2's Most Obnoxious Fan!]

    #7466

    Pam
    Participant

    Hilarious descriptions of diehard fans, Joe! I was infected with that U2 virus almost 25 years ago and there is still no cure for that U2 mania! I also experience times when I´m excited to think about the possible meanings of lyrics. Nobody of my friends living near to me and family (apart from my sister, but she´s not that crazy) is a fan and so I sometimes need to share my thoughts about my favourite band on internet sites like this one. Oftentimes, I keep my passion for U2 to myself, because I don´t want to bother others. And I also enjoy talking about other topics.

    #7467

    joepit
    Moderator

    Pam, you’re a fan, but not a nut! ;)

    #7470

    Pam
    Participant

    Thank you, Joe! :)

    #7472

    Chris
    Participant

    Hhhhhm…It’s hilarious indeed and true on one side (the opposite sex – discussion reference)…but then again, if you keep it to yourself how on Earth are you going to share your love of U2, how are you going to find out what other fans (not nuts) of U2 are out there…??? Don’t get me wrong, you’re right…the fact I’m a U2 fan must NOT bother other people…especially when I’m trying my hardest to catch some ignorant but hot girl’s attention…However, when the music subject comes up in the discussion, although I know a lot about other bands/artists and I find myself in their music too…there’s NO ONE like U2…I know more about them than any other band I like and I don’t mean the food/underwear/Edge’s hat/shoes/whatevah…stuff…You know what I mean…When she comes to me talking about Bieber, I raise my eyebrow, no matter how hot she is…I’m a U2 fan and I might slap her across the *insert woman body part that you love most* with my 5th member of the band if she doesn’t shut up (you know what I mean)…Of course there are other subjects to talk about in this world…but more often than not if I throw a rock in the air…I’m bound to Hit someone guilty of liking Bieber, 1D, Avicii, Skrillex…and more often than not they’re girls…So F*** !!! U2 rulz, Baby !!! I hope I made sense !
    Of course : books, films and other stuff are interesting but it’s very hard for me sometimes not to compare situations in my life to some U2 song because these guys always helped me pass the hardest moments in my life, U2 is my life because life is hard…IF It was easy there would be NO U2 !!! …At some point Joe, you’re sounding like Saint Peter who betrayed Jesus when the Romans asked him if he knew Jesus and the Rooster had already Sung three times….You betrayed U2…the rooster has sung three times, man !!!

    #7476

    joepit
    Moderator

    Chris I would agree with you if I knew what the hell you were talking about. ;)

    #7484

    Leeny
    Participant

    OBNOXIOUS????
    I’ll give you obnoxious!

    An obnoxious U2 fan is one who is so obsessed with overgrown hairy gnats that his love for a certain U2 song compels him to send a voice mail to another fan DURING HER WORK HOURS so she’ll listen in front of the entire office staff in the break room, KNOWING her hearing impairment will necessitate her phone be AT FULL VOLUME so ALL CAN HEAR when he commands, “You leave my fly alone!”

    THEN he somehow predates the message two weeks and feigns innocence regarding her humiliation at work.

    #7485

    joepit
    Moderator

    Classic, long live The Fly!

    #7486

    Leeny
    Participant

    What do they say about your future when you glorify the past?

    http://midnightshowing.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/poster2-the-fly.jpg

    #7487

    joepit
    Moderator

    So should we eliminate Streets? Beautiful Day? SBS?

    #7488

    Leeny
    Participant

    Careful now! You don’t want Jim going all Liam on ya!

    #7489

    joepit
    Moderator

    GOOD LUCK! ;)

    #7490

    Chris
    Participant

    Insert Boromir Meme :

    One does not simply claim they are a U2 fan unless they absolutely LOVE the FLY !!!!!!!

    #7491

    joepit
    Moderator

    Chris, from your lips to Leeny’s ears. Leeny is partly trying to bust my chops, but there is a hint of hatred towards The Fly in her black heart and she must be stopped. ;)

    #7492

    Leeny
    Participant

    My suggestion is that U2 get a dish of Wild Honey and put it in Your Blue Room to trap The Fly and keep it there. Those songs all belong together.

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