Oh well? The “Build a Well Campaign” for Bono’s birthday is underway once again in Africa, and I for one dig this initiative. Although nobody can shovel it like Bono, why actor David Spade (see what I did there) hasn’t throw his name behind this worthy cause is beyond me? When people call Bono an “A-hole” I don’t think they are referring to digging “a hole” in the lost continent, looking for water. Name me a person who has tried to walk on water more than Bono. You can’t! However, Bono needs to get his head out of the mud, baby. You can’t dig a well for water when most of Africa is covered in sand.
Africa has been in a hole for centuries and needs more than a few “Well” wishes. Africa should be digging holes for drinking water, but wouldn’t the water that is discovered be better used to put out the fires that continue to burn there? The Arab Spring continues to see many fall. If you’re looking for holes in Africa, look in Central Africa, there are tons there.
The illegal mining of conflict minerals for our electronics obsession has left the middle of Africa looking like the world’s largest gopher farm. Kony & Mugabe are still two of the biggest a-holes in the world. Jihadists are still committing atrocities in the name of “Hole” y war and filling those God shaped holes with as many Mofo’s as they can. Finally, the death of Nelson Mandela has left a hole in all of our hearts. Who needs a drink of water, when a Somalian pirate has an AK47 lodged in your Djibouti looking for ransom?
The symbolism of digging a well for water has not escaped me – unlike the symbolism of most U2 songs – however when you’re 9 beers deep at a U2 concert, are you really reflecting on your life during Vertigo or are you looking to score with the hottie, with crimson nails & Jesus around her neck, standing right in front of you? Which option is more realistic? Water is vital, and Africa thirsts for more, but is it realistic? Give Haji a drink of water and he’ll drink today, but teach Haji how to add scotch to that water and you’ll have a drunk for life.
I mean, if we can’t fix Africa, at the very least shouldn’t we show them how to get bombed out of their minds so that they can forget about the fact that they live in Africa? I would opt for Sorosis of the liver & a lifetime of hangovers in blackout city over remembering that I just ate a dung beetle for dinner as I hid from some machete wielding nut every day of the week & twice on Sunday Bloody Sunday. So Africa, belly up to the bar. You bring the water, I’ll bring the scotch and we’ll toast this “Well” intentioned initiative as we hurdle the well holes & the carcass of an elephant that’s been slaughtered for its ivory tusks. I figure it’s the least we can do.