U2’s Army: Recruiting Now!

Note to Bono: forget about the younger audience because they’re too fat! Remember when Bono yelled, “Get up off your big fat ass now,” at the beginning of Mysterious Ways at the Rose Bowl? America did not listen and now their mysterious “weighs” U2-coffeeare preventing them from military service. In a recent article, more than 71% of 17-24 year olds would be rejected by the military, mainly due to obesity. Apparently, the youth of America are getting on their boots and walking no further than their refrigerators. When I was young, I was a proud member of the Kiss Army. I had the badge and wore it with pride, but today young people are not connected to any band, including U2, and so it follows that they are slobs and being rejected by the army. Trying to throw your arms around the world is a lot more difficult when you add fatties into the mix. Some potential recruits showed up to a recruiter’s office 50+ pounds overweight. My guess is that they didn’t walk there, and that some truly can’t get enough of that lovey-dovey stuffing. Running to stand still may be your life style choice, but it’s not an option for the military. Being a fan of U2 is about movement, being active in your community and an educated global citizen, not high cholesterol, sitting on your couch, and eating uno, dos, tres, catorce Big Mac’s a day. Forget about joining a movement you can believe in, join a freaking gym! Exercising your right to be a load should not be the only exercise you do! You want to get through the gates of this mansion, you better wipe away those tears and forget about that Sundae Bloody Sundae.

The military is also rejecting those who have huge gaping holes in their earlobes and tattoos on their necks. If the military are rejecting these people, do we want them as part of U2 fandom? The answer is a resounding “YES!” These freaks of nature can rock out with the best of them. Unlike their fat counterparts, the possibility of them stroking out while jumping up and down during Elevation is next to none. Neck tattoo guys and girls are game changers at concerts. Uncertainty can be a guiding light, especially when you never know if they’re going to join you in song or stab you in the back with their switchblades. I need that energy at U2 shows. My guess is that Bono loves these misfits as well. Having a neck tattoo screams and spits in the eye of the establishment. Who cares, if they’re unemployed and living in their parent’s basement? I, don’t. If Bono can hold the right to be ridiculous close to his heart, so should the military.

Other reasons listed for rejection to the military were felonies, lack of high school diplomas and drugs, which means about 1/3 of my high school classmates are roaming around the streets of America with a shank, a G.E.D. and crystal meth all neatly tucked into their right sock. The military should have high standards, but not fan groups. If U2 fans can embrace someone they don’t even know by donating to or joining One or (Red), they should embrace the misfits of our own country. We’re all addicted to something: food, sex, work, drugs, alcohol or U2. Moderation is the key. For example, I only listen to u2radio.com while I’m awake. See, moderation! ;)

http://io9.com/more-than-two-thirds-of-american-youth-dont-qualify-for-1597947127

Longtime fan. Sixth grade teacher, married and have a 7 year old boy who is also a huge fan...he didn't have a choice.

Home Forums U2’s Army: Recruiting Now!

This topic contains 17 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Brook 3 months, 2 weeks ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 18 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #10084

    joepit
    Moderator

    Note to Bono: forget about the younger audience because they’re too fat! Remember when Bono yelled, “Get up off your big fat ass now,” at the beginnin
    [See the full post at: U2's Army: Recruiting Now! ]

    #10086

    Pam
    Participant

    Joe, maybe those who were rejected because of tattoos or holes in their earlobes can really bring some energy to U2 concerts if they jump, sing and dance. Fans can get more sportive when they walk to the stadium instead of taking the subway. Or they can do a bicycle race to see who arrives in front of the stadium first.

    I think it´s normal that people gain a bit weight when they get older. But oftentimes I worry about children and teenagers who are too fat. They don´t move around enough, eat too much or too many fat things, don´t eat enough fruits and vegetables etc. Btw, today there´s some severe rain in my hometown. So I have an excuse that I can´t run or ride my bike at the moment. ;)

    #10087

    Chris
    Participant

    Uhm..I thought U2 is fighting against war ! Now it turns out there’s an U2-army ??? I know Larry’s signature heavy-beat is a military beat, he learned from that teacher of his who had a special technique of hitting the drums he learned in the army, if I remember correctly…but this is the only good part I see in an army…the music…the massive onslaught of young men for the benefit of a few greedy evil bastards who only want more power to rule the world…Nnnot so much, Joe !!!

    And remember, U2 hasn’t got Slug-fans (twisted pun…the song is great!) because a Big Mac is bigger than they think and they don’t eat it !!!

    #10091

    Pam
    Participant

    The rain stopped and luckily I already had the chance to move by riding my bike for some time. I´m not sure if the U2 army accepts female fans who are between 40 and 90…But at least I can try to make some meals with a bit low-fat meat or fish, vegetables and salad for hungry U2 fans. ;)

    #10092

    Chris
    Participant

    Sounds delicious, Pam..I’m hungry already !

    #10093

    joepit
    Moderator

    Pam, all able & disabled bodies are allowed into U2’s army.

    #10094

    Chris
    Participant

    Don’t forget “…the sick and the old!” ! And even “beautiful Ghost”…he’s got a lot of Experience !!!

    #10095

    joepit
    Moderator

    U2 is not interested in the old, remember? They want a younger army! ;)

    #10096

    Chris
    Participant

    Yeah right ! Then call in One Direction !!! U2 must respect and cherish their veterans !!!

    #10098

    joepit
    Moderator

    Veterans are invisible to U2 & Invisibble is invisible to you too. See what I did there. ;)

    #10108

    Pam
    Participant

    Joe, I´m glad that U2´s army is so tolerant. But if they want younger members I guess I´m already too old. Chris, if my hikes, bike tours and yoga exercises are not enough to get a special permission for U2´s army I will be able to make that healthy meal for everyone. ;)

    #10164

    Leeny
    Participant

    Theme song of U2’s army:
    Still Haven’t Found What We’re Fighting For.

    #10165

    joepit
    Moderator

    Not only have they found it, they’re defeating it! It’s called darkness.

    #10170

    Chris
    Participant

    I heard a singer on the radio late last night…He said he’s gonna kick the darkness till it bleeds day-light !!!

    #10173

    alma
    Participant

    1/3 of your high school classmates, Joe? Lol! Latest song for the new album: ‘A Shank, a G.E.D., & Crystal Meth’ Lol! – after all, we do have ‘Trash, Trampoline, & the Party Girl!’ :D
    .
    No tattoos/ huge earlobe holes = Still Haven’t Found Your Street Cred.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 18 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.