So now after stuffing your face for four straight days with stuffing over Thanksgiving, you’re stuck in a recliner you can’t get out of and can barely move.  I know the feeling, but have no fear my overstuffed friends, U2radio.com has the U2 workout that will help shed those pounds you’ve gained eating those 12 pieces of Pumpkin Pie and the crumbs from your table.  I’m not talking about plopping yourself on a treadmill & listening to your favorite U2 songs, I’m talking about an actual workout, U2 style.  This workout is guaranteed to get you in shape in no time and guess what, it involves no biking, so you know it’s safe.  If your scale is reading your Mysterious “Weighs” and you don’t like what you see, then this workout is for you, because believe it or not, Big Girl’s are not best and neither are big boys.  I designed this workout myself and pledge to you that it does work.  No warm up or cool down needed, we hit it hard and continue until the weight is dropped or you drop.  Let’s begin:

Start:

Throw a brick through a window-This is IMPORTANT!  Make sure the person at home, whose window you just smashed into a 1,000 pieces is in worse shape than you and under the age of 100.  This person chasing you throughout the workout needs to be able to chase you, but not keel over 3 steps out into their front lawn or obviously catch you, which would basically conclude your workout right then and there.  Running to stand still here is not recommended.

Now that you are running for your life, implement these moves periodically into the rest of your workout, making sure you complete each exercise completely.

Sarajevo Sniper Drops- While still running, stop, drop & roll 10 times pretending to duck sniper fire from Bosnian rebel forces.  Periodically yelling out the infamous beauty pageant motto, “Don’t let them kill us” is great for your lungs, as well as scare the snot out of your entire neighborhood.

Run through the fields & scale city walls- If no fields or city walls are in your vicinity, random parking lots and your neighbor’s deck will do.  Forget about climbing the highest mountain, because we both know it’s not a hill and it’s a mountain and that you’re too lazy for that.

It’s time to hydrate my friends, take two sips of the mandatory vodka and one sip of Alka Seltzer:  two shots of happy & one shot of sad.

Wind sprints.  Try tripping through your neighborhood power wires and run down the road with that loose electricity.  Continue until your skin turns a red, orange glow.  Those with pace makers may skip this section.

Time to hit the Van Dieman’s Land section of our workout.  Grab a sledge hammer and start turning big rocks into small rocks for about 20 minutes, each minute representing 1 year for stealing a piece of bread while starving.  If no rocks are around, your neighbor’s car will do.  Swimming across a large body of water, pretending to escape your brutal English guard (neighbor)  would also be a great addition, if available.

If at any time you are standing over your neighbor yelling “Wake up Dead Man”  or you have collapsed with a massive coronary, your workout has concluded.  Repeat again tomorrow.  However, choose a different neighbor’s window.  😉