For starters, those of you that know me and my writing, know that I am a huge U2 fan, but also am not afraid to call it like it is.  The other day we received “The Little Book Of A Big Year” from Bono updating us on the year that was, 2014.  On a positive note, it was great to hear from the man, the myth, the legend himself.  His humor and honesty came shining through……BUT…..

Am I the only one here that found it funny that the lyricist of our generation, the man that claimed there’s only about four people on this earth that can write lyrics like him, Mr. Eloquence himself resorted to the elementary “A” is for, “B” is for blah, blah, blah routine to update his fans???  This is equivalent to Shakespeare, the king of the sonnet & plays writing classics like: Macbarbara or Othello goes to play Scrabble.   I would expect the “ABC” bula, bula from the lead singer of ABC, not U2!  I don’t care if Bono was on the morphine drip or high on Xanex & Wine, I expect a much better effort from “The Golden Tongue” and so should you.  You know what Bob Dylan said about this….neither do I, nobody understands a thing Bob Dylan says, but I can assure you, it was not good.  Apparently, poetic injustice is beyond the scope of both One & Red.

More importantly Bono, did you once think of my reputation when you wrote this?  I’m out here pounding the U2radio.com pavement, telling everyone from A to Z (2 can play at this game) that SOI is lyrically your best work ever and you go around and basically spit in my face with this alphabet soup of a book and practically ruin me!  I think we’re all in agreement that my writing is bad enough and will ruin me without any of your help!  What’s next, the Uno, Dos, Tres, Catorce’s of the upcoming tour?

Now listen, I’m not a negative guy, but thanking Boise in your “R is for Red” book is just too much for me to handle?  Boise?  Boise, Idaho?  Is that suppose to be some inside joke from one potato country to another?  Boise?  NY & Chicago, I get…..but Boise?  Nothing for Boston, the town that helped launch you in the U.S.?  Hell, I’d even take Miami, New Orleans, Belfast or any other American city mentioned in Stay ;)…. but thanking Boise?  Rest assured Bono, there are more potatoes in Boise than U2 fans.  That’s banjo country…. where the deer and the antelope play.  You go to Boise and start playing U2 music and you’re bound to get the farmer in the dell’s pitchfork up your ass.  That x-ray of your elbow will look like a scratch compared to what would happen to you in Garth Brooks’ country, if you were to play a U2 song.  If you want to mosey on up to the campfire and thank the nice people of Boise for their generosity to Red, then hop into your pick up truck, grab yourself a mouth full of chewing tobacco and get to it, but remember it’s Boston where you sold out four straight nights for your upcoming tour.  When’s the last time U2 played Boise?  Thought so.

And did the king of hyperbole just say that he “may” never play guitar again???  Is this the same man that basically single handedly saved the continent of Africa?  The same man that just delivered SOI to a bazillion people?  The same man that can get two hearts to beat as one?  Bono, you will play the guitar again….you know it, we know it.  The Fly is not The Fly without you screwing up a few chords along the way.  If the drummer from Def Leppard can drum with one arm, you can strum 6 strings.

Bono, we’re all happy to see that you are on the bend and ae looking forward to the tour, but stick to writing lyrics for songs and leave the ABC writing to ABC.  They haven’t had a hit since, “When Smokey Sings” back in ’87 and they can use all the help they can get.  😉