911? Yes, I’d like to report a crime.

Is sodomy still on the books in California? Seriously, how many more times can U2 be ramrodded before we call 911? First, the Oscar fiasco, now the Grammy’s! Didn’t U2 just add a 17th show in L.A.? Doesn’t U2 have a song named after the state that just keeps spitting in their face? This is how you repay U2?

Quick, name all the performers that go by one name that you can think of off the top of your head. Here’s the list you just came up with: Bono, Madonna, Prince, Cher, Beyoncé. Raise your hand if you named Beck. Anyone? Bueller? What an absolute catastrophe!

First and foremost, I have given Beck’s CD a good, long listen and I’m not sure how you would describe it. It sounds like a cross between alt rock meets acoustic guitar meets a couple of ounces of weed. Is that Freedom Rock, dude! My bet is this entire cd was made between 3 and 4 AM and a thousand bags of Doritos were consumed, under a mushroom cloud. Does Beck live in Colorado? Classifying Beck in the rock category is equivalent to putting Bono on the junior varsity debate team….NOT HAPPENING!

I bet Beck doesn’t even classify his music as “rock”. Did you see his face when they announced him as the winner? Beck didn’t even know he was nominated in the rock category! He was waiting for the Alt rock category nominations to be read, which usually occurs four days later when only the janitors are around power washing the remnants left behind under Nicki Minaj’s chair to hear the winner’s name announced.

Not only was Beck surprised, did you see Prince’s reaction. The purple one himself turned red in embarrassment. You can’t tell me that Prince didn’t think about turning himself back into “The Symbol,” so that nobody would recognize him up there handing the Grammy to Beck. When Prince wishes he was back in snowy Minnesota rather than warm LA, you know something’s up.

And where was Kanye? When did you develop manners, bro? Taylor Swift was able to shake if off after you hijacked her acceptance speech, Beck would have gotten over it too. At least this time, it would have been warranted. U2 allows you to share the same stage with them in Times Square a few months back and you just stand there and not represent and start to throw haymakers left and right? I am seriously going to cut back googling your hot wife, brah!

It’s clear to this viewer that hatred for U2 goes well beyond Sharon Osbourne and Sinead O’Connor. Hatred has seeped into the bowels of Grammy central where the votes are tallied. Somebody get into the dumpster out in back of the Staples Center and find those ballots. U2 just got Gored…Al Gored! This is Florida 2000 all over again. Where are the hanging chads?

Well U2, it’s off to the tour supporting the best CD of 2014. Songs of Innocence is brilliant, regardless of what the empty suits in the “Recording Academy” think and remember…”They hate us, cuz they ain’t us!”