Have you ever tried to be “Intimate” with 20,000 people? Unless your name is Caligula, the word “Intimate” is usually reserved for those special moments when two hearts beat as one, but not for U2. For 35 + years, U2 has tried to get closer to their audience, whether it be physically, emotionally, spiritually or through brainwashing their way into our souls through our IPhones. Name me another band that tries harder to make you feel that every song was made for you and every song is being sung to you….you can’t. Which leads me to today’s question boys and girls, Could you see U2 alone? I’m not talking about going to a concert by yourself, which in itself is a little freaky, I’m talking about being the only person in the arena while U2 plays. Now before the word “Yes” pops out of your corn hole, think it through. Here, I’ll write it slower to make sure you understand it correctly, Could you see U2 alone? By yourself? No one else in the arena? If the thought doesn’t spook you out or creep you out, even a little, then I’m not sure I even want you reading this, yet alone ever meet you. Sure, the thought of never seeing thousands of 50 year olds bumping & grinding their way through Mysterious Ways has great appeal to me, but still, it doesn’t outweigh the importance of….ENERGY!

If you think it’s U2’s songs that carry us through the concerts before we go back to our daily grind of everyday life, you’re delusional. I mean, Ted Bundy delusional. What carries us through the concert is the energy created by the audience. That energy picks you up, puts you on to its shoulders and dares all to try to knock you down. You think you’re getting that same vibe by being in the arena alone? Have you ever tried to sing the “Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh” ending of With or Without You, by yourself? I’ve heard you, it sounds awful! You suck as a singer, we all do, but somehow when combined with 20,000 other screaming loonies, it somehow works. Listen, I understand all about mutualism, especially since I just Googled it. U2 needs us and we need U2, but I’m going to take it a step further and say that when it comes to concert going, we need each other. Steven Hawkings head just exploded with my new spin on the scientific theory. I’m going to the shows in Boston with about 10 U2 friends. You think I’m doing this because I want to? These people are lunatics, you know the type. When you see them approaching, you either cross to the other side of the street or roll up your window, lock your car doors, close your eyes and click your heels three times in hopes of magically disappearing before they reach you. Unfortunately, I need them for their energy boost and they need me for my energy boost, not to mention that not one of them is from Boston and have no f*cking idea where they’re going. 😉

The bottom line is this, it is the fan that creates the energy. Sure, the music may be the catalyst, but to keep that kinetic/potential energy flow going (I had to google this, too), it is us, the fans that keep the energy alive at the shows. If you look at it from this point of view, U2 should be paying us. Pay up, suckers!