What U2 Fan Class Are You?

One of my teenagers is addicted to Buzzfeed quizzes – the ones that are so pointless they can’t possibly be good for society, but are also so thoughtfully niche that it’s actually hard to label them as stupid. They run the gamut from “Test Your Knowledge of Lesser-Known Disney Villains” to “What Do Your Favorite Lines from ‘Mean Girls’ Say About You?” – and now, I want to give you a Buzzfeed quiz of my own (a “Brookfeed” quiz, maybe? Sure). It’s “What U2 Fan Class Are You?”, and it’s designed to help you classify yourself on a scale of U2 fandom ranging from embarrassingly casual to awesomely upper echelon, based on your knowledge of the U2 Innocence + Experience Tour. Here we go:

1. It’s U2’s first night in your city. You’re hoping to hear one unexpected song, and that song is:

a. 40 – Sure, they could close with it on the first night. Stranger things have happened.

b. Angel of Harlem – wait, is that considered unexpected on this tour? Somebody help me out here.

c. Why does it matter if it’s their first night? Don’t they follow the same exact setlist every night?

2. You’re hoping to get noticed by Bono during the show. To increase your chances, you:

a. Create a sign that says “#LoveWins in Ireland and the US. Go SCOTUS!”

b. I don’t know, what’s Bono been commenting on from the stage lately?

c. Create a sign that says “Hey Bono, I hate politics and don’t follow current events anywhere ever.”

3. You have a GA ticket and you want to get the best possible spot for the show, so you go:

a. Straight to the e-stage, right at 6 PM or earlier depending on when the doors open.

b. Still by the e-stage, but there’s no rush to get up close. It’s not like they’re going to acknowledge you – or will they? Quick, make a sign!

c. Right up to the main stage, of course. Isn’t that where they’ll be the whole time?

4. When Bono emerges from the back of the venue and makes his way up to the e-stage, you predict that the first thing he’ll say is:

a. “The most beautiful sound in the world!”

b. “Hello, name of city!” They do that, right?

c. How should I know what he’s going to say? It’s not like there’s some online broadcasting platform that enables me to watch these shows in progress.

5. 20 songs later, With or Without You is over. That means:

a. It’s encore time! What kid will get pulled onstage for COBL tonight?

b. It’s encore time! Are they still playing Miracle Drug?

c. Bono said goodnight – let’s beat this traffic, Marge! Race you to the car. Hey, how come the lights are still off?

Now it’s time to score yourself!

If you got mostly a’s, congratulations! You’re an upper echelon U2 fan of the highest order. You know the setlist backwards and forwards, and when you realized they were playing Gloria on Chicago night three, you got so freaking excited that you tried to stand up but couldn’t find your feet. You scan Twitter every 30 minutes on the day of each U2 show, looking for reports “on the ground.” You treat every U2 tour the way your friends treat football or baseball season, and you expect them to keep their mouths shut when you do.

If you got mostly b’s, no worries. You’re probably a real U2 fan, but you have a life and want to be surprised when they get to your city. We respect that.

If you got mostly c’s, just stay home – or better yet, infiltrate some other band’s show with your fake fandom. I hear Dave Matthews is on tour.