Snarky Answers for Dumb Questions about U2

If you’re the only U2 superfan in your peer group, then perhaps you have experienced some challenges when it comes to explaining your devotion to the band. Here are some examples of snarky questions you may be used to hearing about U2, accompanied by equally snarky retorts (feel free to use them at your discretion).

“Isn’t U2 just an 80s band?”

Did you get rid of your TV in 1991? Because every single off Achtung Baby played in heavy rotation on MTV for the next three years – and from 2000-2002, you couldn’t turn on a major sporting event without seeing U2 in the halftime show. They went on to make seven studio albums after The Joshua Tree, three of which were released in the 2000s (very soon, we’ll be able to change those numbers to “eight” and “four.” Very soon, guys!). In 2011, they earned the distinction of producing the highest grossing concert tour of all time – that’s right, OF ALL TIME. But by all means, keep listening to Maroon 5; I’m sure they’ll still be relevant in 30 years.

“Aren’t U2 total hypocrites? They’re, like, tax evaders.”

No. They’re, like, smart businessmen – and if you grossed $736,421,584 million on your last world tour, you’d hope that someone would help you be smart with your money, too. I know I would! (Here’s where my husband would make his never-gets-old Paul McGuinness=Mr. Crabs from Sponge Bob joke).

“What’s with the glasses?”

What’s with your (insert whatever fashion accessory that person can’t live without. Don’t even bother with Bono’s “part necessity, part privacy” explanation.)

“Why doesn’t Bono ever shut up about his causes? He said once that every time he claps his hands, a child in Africa dies – why didn’t he stop clapping?”

You actually believe the most played-out U2 joke ever to be fact? You’re a smart one.

What’s with the weird stage names, and why don’t the other two have them?

Unlike 90% of stage names today, Bono and The Edge are nicknames born out of their youth – and frankly, there are far more perplexing stage names on the scene right now. Wiz Khalifa? Hmmm.

What have non-fans asked you about U2, and what answers did you give them?